i’m not sure we’ve met, but you enjoy my blog. thank you for bringing me back here. this place of blank canvas. this ambitious self-healing project of an online journal. where things are written into my digital footprint, and my readers are few and anonymous. and today, right now, i’m okay with that.

i think having few readers is like having few likes, comments, mentions, and other social media interactions. but low-readership is no cause for holding back truth. the truth is, i write a lot more than i publish. i self-doubt. i delete and revert to draft. i hiatus. and i return.

so here i am. writing from a space of slightly painful existence, but absolutely certain of Radical Abundance. sorting through my thought archives i witness my “shoulds”. the guitar i should really start practicing. the poetry i should really get back to. the healthy body i should really work towards. the books i should really read. the book(s) i should really write. the financial stability i should really build.

these “shoulds”, i’m aware, are not necessarily positive thinking. they are as they are, but they do not accept reality as it is. they are a nagging desire to seek balance, to change myself, while simultaneously rejecting the self of the here and now.

i’ve somehow settled for complaint-mind and lost touch with isness and spiritual wealth. i’m convinced “this isn’t me” but yes, this is part of me. all of it. the ebb and flow of one spiritual being.

and tonight, before my body retires, i will mindfully fall asleep to intentionally rest my body and mind. the challenge will be to mindfully awaken.

wishing you a restful night and a fresh start morning.

love, bloomingsoul

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